Let me tell you how Govamint works. Because there seems to be some confusion.

I like to use the analogy of a big lake. The liberals in my district hate it when I use water imagery to explain things. That’s why I do it as often as possible. Heh, heh. Little joke there.

See, North Carolina is set up like a big lake. The little town councils and local officials are the little fish, the county officials are bigger fish, and the state lawmakers are the biggest fish.

The littlest fish have to kiss the fishy asses of all the bigger fish, or they get eaten. It’s as simple as that.

Take Asheville, for instance. The little minnow-bait city council thought it would be cute to put a referendum on the ballot for November, so everyone would get to see exactly how little support my initiative, to save them the trouble of operating their own water system actually has. Nice.

Listen. I don’t give a rat’s ass what some podunk redneck in freaking east bumfuck “thinks”. If I want your opinion I’ll take it from you.

Now I’m pissed, and I got one word for your antics: “legislative benevolence”. Are you familiar with the term, Asheville? It means your ass is mine, and if you continue to piss me off in this way I can just cancel your whole shitting town, Stalin style.

Asheville will cease to exist. All I gotta do is say the effing word and you guys are freaking South Woodfin, you get me? Don’t you know who I am? I OWN this bitch. You continue to act like you have some control over your own destiny or something, but you had best get it through your thick liberal heads that it is simply not the fucking case.

Now. If there are no further objections, we can get on with reelecting me, so I can continue to rule.